Fun Size Fits All

Day 6:

It’s home time, and I’d be lying if I said I was disappointed. The novelty of travel can wear thin pretty quickly, especially when you’re on your own.

I needed to leave the hotel by 12pm and wanted to fit in a gym session before I left, so I was up at about half 7 for breakfast. After ordering my poached eggs on bread, I plated up hearty plate of chicken, pastrami, and veg. Along came the eggs, on toast this time, but given that I’d eaten half of Hovis’ stock last night I left that along. Not knowing when I’d eat next, I finished this royal feast with some mixed nuts, yoghurt and a coffee.


Once I’d resisted the urge to nap, I answered a few work emails and headed to the gym. 12pm rolled around and it was time to shower, change and check-out.

Rather than flag down I cab, I was feeling flush on work’s money and had the hotel send a car to take me to the airport. A huge Lexus rolled up. I let the hotel staff load my bags into the boot and open the door for me – definitely pretending to be a high roller – headed for terminal 3. My driver was a chatty fella called Vinod. As I sat in the back chatting I couldn’t figure out if he was short, or if it was just that the car was massive. At the airport, my question was answered, as the fun-sized Vinod scurried around the car to let me out. He had a surprisingly firm handshake for somebody with micro-sized hands. Kudos Vinod, kudos.

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After an uneventful check-in, the hunt for food began. I saw an advertising board for an Arabian mixed grill, but I thought 3 in 3 days was a bit keen. Also, I wasn’t sure it was wise before a 6 hour flight, despite strategically ensuring I had an aisle seat. I found an Italian place inside a mocked up tram and ordered a chicken salad. Pretty enjoyable apart from the processed cheese sprinkled on top.

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Yesterday I withdrew 100 Dirhams, about Β£20, of my own money just in case I wanted to pick something up at the mall. I didn’t, so I generously dedicated the money to pick up a present for Vikki at the airport. They say you can’t put a price on love, but on this occasion love had an RRP of 100 Dirhams.

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Expensive perfumes and cosmetics were out of the question. Cheap perfume was available, but most smelled like they were extracted from a dehydrated camel. Chocolate it was. I’m sure once someone said the best presents are those you can share – if nobody has actually said that before then I have just now, so it still counts – and with that in mind, I opted for this unpriced bag of joy.

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I was 80 Dirhams poorer but somehow felt richer.

Time to board. I sat at the gate with my ridiculously small bottle of water and waited impatiently.

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Obviously, when I got to the front of the queue at the gate after a hundred or so people had already boarded, I was asked to wait.

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As always I ordered a gluten free meal, as in my experience it’s normally tastier and you get it when the kids get their meals. A stroke of genius if you ask me.

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I spent the rest of the flight reading, listening to podcasts and watching Locke. I did this while trying to ignore the guy next to me who was:

– Playing games on his phone with the sound on
– Hogging the armrest
– Asking for nuts after 5 minutes of being in the air
– Asking for biscuits on 5 occasions
– Asking about wifi packages
– Requesting jam for his bread roll with his curry
– Deciding to swap his meal.

Thankfully he dozed off after 4 hours.

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I collected my bags and met my taxi driver. No big Lexus this time around. Even more disappointing was that the driver was full-sized. He didn’t shake my hand so I have no comparison to Vinod’s firm grip.

Although I do a lot of travel, this trip felt the toughest of the lot despite the sunshine. This idiot abroad, is glad to be home.

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One thought on “Fun Size Fits All

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